My Guy

This morning, Central Florida woke up to one of the coldest days it has experienced in years. In the nearly three years we have been here, it was the coldest day I recall. I woke up to a warm house, warm bed, and snuggled with my husband. I thought "I am so glad Zachary is working indoors today and doesn't have to be out in these winds and cold temps."

As Savannah and I got ready to leave for the day, Zach calls and says his company moved him from the shop (indoors) to Harris (outdoors, up high in a building they are constructing). He was not dressed for it, so he asked if I would bring him "a button up work shirt". Anyone who knows him knows he is not a complainer and does not really ask me for a thing. It was in the 30s and all he had on was a t-shirt, long sleeve shirt, and a THIN jacket. So, I begin to worry. I have NO idea why, because I know he can handle anything. I just hated thinking of him being in this. So, on my way to work, after dropping off Savannah, I stopped and bought him a jacket for work, a hat to cover his ears, EmergenC, and water. I was worried.

His response was so sweet, I sat and asked myself why I don't do those things more often. Go out of my way for him. Take him into consideration enough to disrupt my routine. He is the love of my life, the man I truly believe God intended on me marrying. He was designed for me, and me for him. He was humbled by my gift, and he came home (he got home before us) and did my usual afternoon chores for me.

I realized, after today, what makes marriage work. That sacrifice for one another. Holding one another higher than you hold yourself. Serving one another. Putting Gods design for your marriage before your own thoughts on what it should be. Marriage is hard. Especially when you get married at 20, move 600 miles, have a baby in a whole new state away from family, loose your best friend to cancer, and watch your husband battle an addiction that you thought would win. We have been through it. We have withstood it. Now, I stand on the other side of all of those scary things and think, "He has always been worth it."

(Go ahead and pick on me for being mushy. I love my guy. And I am THANKFUL for him)

Inspiration!

Our small group bible study recently went through a study on the whole book of Philippians preached by Matt Chandler. I am not big on watching sermons or even listening to them. I like to be there. I like to feel the movement of the Lord. But, that was before I sat and listened to Matt Chandler. I have read through Philippians several times in studies, but never did I read it with the same intensity as when studying alongside Chandlers preaching.  The study was titled 'To Live is Christ, and to Die is Gain", for anyone who would be interested. Amazing stuff. I haven't been so convicted in, well I'm not sure when.

Anyhow, one of the things that he preached on was what "inspired" you. He described inspiration as "those moments where our souls are stimulated to a high level of feeling, thinking, and doing." He went on to encourage people to sit and think of what inspires us (mainly what inspires our affection for Christ), and to dwell on those things. To stay in those things. For at least a month, I have been trying to catch those moments where I feel encouraged, content, and plain motivated. This is my "Matt Chandler List".

1. When I read a bible verse and have to sit and think on it for a few minutes to really gather what God is saying to me.
2. Hot coffee before Savannah wakes up. Those moments of quiet with my thoughts make my day more manageable.
3. Finishing a good book and having my desire to read sparked again.
4. Completing my "chores" for the day, and looking around a clean house with hot coffee in my hand.
5. When I see something "click" in Savannahs head. The moments when I can see that she learned something. (This week it was how to count all 20 of her fingers and toes.)
6. I love hearing how my husbands testimony has helped encourage people in their walk. It reminds me that we are a team. A unit. I was there with him through the "hardest" parts of his story. I praise God for allowing me to be there.
7. A good conversation with some of my closest friends who get me. Preferably over coffee (seeing a trend here?)
8. When Zach gets incredibly excited about something he has seen, or heard, or done and wants to share it with me.
9. I want to burst with pride and happiness when Savannah uses her manners. It is a huge deal to us to raise well mannered, thankful, humble babies.
10. Feeling our babies (Savannah and Riley individually) kick around inside me. No matter what chaos I am in at that moment, it stops me. Humbles me.

So, those are my top ten. There are more I know. But, these are day to day things that I have noticed, when they occur, I am hard pressed not to smile. Hard pressed not to be encouraged. :)

Heavy hitter

I have had Shane on my mind heavy the past few days, which sometimes happens. Certain things will trigger me to thinking about him deeply. He is on my heart daily. Every day I remember him in something I see or hear. But, there are times, that I literally cannot get him off my mind. I think it was because his passing can be considered so tragic. He wasn't an old man who had grandkids he watched grow. He wasn't even halfway through his life yet. He hadn't done all the things he wanted. He suffered needlessly.  So it is hard.

Back when he first passed, I was not in a good place with it. I was angry. I was hurt. And, mostly, I was lost. I had accepted Christ, and in that previous year, my walk had gotten so strong. Then, Shane left. I felt like the rug slipped right out from under me. I would scream and cry and rage. Zach would watch and not say anything. He knew I didn't need anything. I needed to be angry for a bit. He later admitted that it worried him. He thought I was angry with God.

A year, 6 months, 21 days, and 18 hours later.... I can say it wasn't the Lord I was mad with. Here is where this gets to be a heavy hitter, and if you are not a Christian, please bear with me and ask me questions if I make NO sense.

I was ANGRY with the world. I was MAD at sin. I was LIVID with how far we had fallen from God's original purpose. He never intended this. He never wanted this. Cancer, sickness, struggle, aches, hurts, loss.... None of it comes from Him. In His perfect world, He created us for something more. I was reminded of this in reading through Lazarus being raised by Jesus. Jesus knew Lazarus was dead. He also knew He would raise him. And, yet, He saw Lazarus family mourning him, He wept. It is literally the shortest verse in the bible. Jesus wept (John 11:35).  Why would He weep if He knew his passing was temporary?

Because this was not His way. It was uncalled for. It was unnecessary. It wasn't of Him.

So, when unbelievers choose to mock my faith in Christ and say things like "If God was real, why didn't He save your brother? Why did he suffer?" I am reminded of the worlds sin. And, my sin. I did not cause cancer, obviously. I understand that clearly. I also understand the sacrifice Jesus himself made because of sin.

My brother was a Christian and I rejoice daily in that. I KNOW where he is. I KNOW we will meet again. O, glorious day.

Miley: The Strong Willed Child

I am not a follower of current trends and I rarely watch television anymore. Not because I do not enjoy mindless entertainment from time to time, but because my days are filled with board books, baby dolls, cars, and coloring. But, I did hear about Miley Cyrus and her performance on the VMAs with Robin Thicke.

I will start by saying I regret Youtubing it. I was sucked in and I was sad. While watching Miley lick herself and others, dance "provocatively", and rub all over a married man; my heart literally hurt for her. I know she is an "adult" by all definitions of the word, and makes her own choices. But, I saw something in her that truly worried me.

You see, as a child, and watching her grow through the television and media, Miley was obviously a strong willed child. She was obviously passionate. She was clearly an individual. As a momma of a strong willed child, of someone who is already passionate about her "causes" (even if that cause is more Goldfish), I was concerned. What happened to the sweet child who sang beautifully and loved her daddy? As parents, where do we go "wrong" in raising our strong willed children? That was my question. Because I never want to make that mistake. Sure, our lives are VERY different than the Cyrus family, but, I NEVER want to witness my child behaving that way, anywhere. It would shatter my heart into a million pieces to know my child thought that little of the herself and her body.

The other thing that struck me were all the social media comments. They were all negative, and they all held some sort of validity. It was inappropriate. It was hard to watch. It was uncalled for. It was ridiculous. But, as viewers, shouldn't we take some accountability? Shouldn't we have said "We are not watching this filth." and turned it off. The VMAs had 10 million and almost half were between the ages of 12-34 years old. What does that tell you? Our babies are watching this. Our impressionable teenagers are watching this. They are seeing her being cheered on. They are watching her flaunt what little her momma would probably like her to keep covered. They saw her be disrespectful to her own body and to another woman's husband.

As parents, we are responsible for protecting our children from this. We are the ones who sit our kids down and say "That isn't someone I want you having as a role model". Encourage your kids to pray for Miley. Pray she finds whatever it is she is searching for. Give your children positive role models. It doesn't have to be a media figure necessarily, but make it someone relatable to them. Build your child's confidence at home, in things that have nothing to do with their appearance. Say to your daughter, "You are so funny! I love your jokes." Tell your son "You are so very smart. I love the way you built that building out of blocks."

I know I sound preachy. But, at the end of the day, I felt sorry for Miley. More sorry than disgusted.

Family Away

Tonight, a friend of Zachary and myself celebrated his birthday at Chuck E. Cheese. I know what you're thinking, a grown man at Chuck E. Cheese? He had never been and his sweet wife (my best friend), wanted to surprise him. 

I was SO very excited for this night, because Zach and I are both ski ball nerds. It is what we do. We went to Chuck E. Cheese on our honeymoon. We were heading to the beach for the day and both decided we wanted pizza and a game. It was SO fun. So, when we were invited, we both got giddy! We were going to hire a sitter, have a date night, and some fellowship. Then, life changed. I literally mean things changed in our lives that meant Zachary taking a second job on some evenings. He couldn't attend tonight.

At first, I was bummed about him missing it. Then I thought to myself, "No sense in dwelling on what cannot be changed." Savannah and I would go as a date and spend some time as her and I. Zach literally called me crazy for taking our 2 year old to a busy arcade, after bedtime, alone without his help.  I said a prayer, dressed our girl up, and got excited. 

At first, I thought it was going to be a bust. But, as time passed, she started enjoying herself. Seeing things through her beautiful eyes really changes my sight at times. The things she finds joy in, are so simple. It makes you smile. We enjoyed it. She obeyed. She ate well. She played and had no melt downs. She said grace over her supper. 

And then the most amazing thing happened! My friends parents decided to bless this momma and take my girl and play while I finished eating! I can count on one hand in two years the times I've been able to finish a meal when Savannah has been around. As I sat and watched Savannah enjoy other people being with her, and those people enjoying her, I teared up. It is probably hormones. But, I realized in that moment, we have created a family away from our family. I have people who love my family like I do and WANT to bless us with those small gifts. HOW amazing? 

They probably have no idea what this meant to me. Instead of leaving with a throbbing back and head, a short fuse, and a fussy baby because she can sense momma is fussy: I left with a smile and a happy heart. My girl rode home in happy silence, her bright pink bracelet and rubber dinosaur clutched in her chubby fist, prizes she won from playing. As I rocked my sweet Rooster to sleep, in her sleepy elephant jammies, I was content and so was she. All because we had sweet people love on us with their time and energy. I am grateful tonight! 

A Method to the Madness!

I have always been "alright" at cooking a meal and an "okay" planner. But, with a toddler, a job, church, and my basic day to day: I have found it difficult to make new recipes and to actually cook some days. I got incredibly bored with our same rotation of meals, and it got to the point where we were eating SO MANY calories at each meal. Zachary is thin. Period. Savannah is thin. Period. Momma is not. So, we had to compromise. This past week, I made a plan to make a new recipe for 5 days straight. And, I did it! Triumph! They are as follows:

Saturday: Slow Cooker Chicken Phillie's!: 

 These were a very hearty meal, but worth the calories in terms of what went into your body. Veggies, protein, dairy, and grains. I will say, next time we will use whole grain wheat hoagies. Still, super good. The Dales is a MUST for this to be tasty. 

Sunday: Outback Crock pot Potato Soup

The calories in this are around 170 per 8 oz serving. I didn't add anything on top of mine (IE: sour cream, chives, bacon). It was very good, very easy, and made lots of leftovers. I made this Sunday because we are literally gone the entire day at church. An easy crock pot meal is the way to go. 

 Monday: Weight Watchers Honey Mustard Chicken:

This was my favorite recipe of the week. I loved the Corn Flake coating, and loved that it was low calorie. Zach did not even know it was "healthy" because it taste that good! I also, instead of the mashed potato's he usually request, tossed some cut up potato's in olive oil and garlic seasoning. That helped with calories. Add a nice salad, and you have a filling meal with little added to your waist!

Tuesday: Baked Spaghetti

I KNOW this wasn't low calorie, but I consoled myself in the fact that I had a huge salad with it. Savannah ate 3 bowls, and asked for more at lunch today. Success! 

Wednesday was banana bread. I have never been good at baking. It isn't my thing. But, I love baked breads and goodies. So, I branched out. Zachary's Mema gifted me a cookbook that all the sweet ladies in her church made. In it are some of the most amazing sounding recipes. Today was the banana bread. I added walnuts to one load and chocolate chips to the other, for my man child. Let me know if you would like that recipe! It was super easy and turned out moist as all get out! 

I have 6 new recipes for this next week, and just went shopping for everything today. It has been incredibly nice to have everything I need for a meal, to try a new meal each night, and to have leftovers. A friend and I were talking today, and we both said how great of a feeling it is to keep a clean house and to bake and cook. Truly, I love it. Feminist everywhere are gasping and blaming me for todays stereotypes, I am sure. But, that is my heart. I NEVER knew I would be a momma to my girl, a wife to Zach, and ENJOY doing these things. But, I find peace and joy in making them both a meal and seeing both their eyes light up when they taste it. I enjoy knowing EXACTLY what is being put into my girls body, and how good it is for her. 

All of that being said: I am still learning to DO these things. I enjoy them, and I enjoy the outcome, I do not enjoy the time and energy. It is hard. Please do not think that my house is clean and both Savannah and Zach get fed like this every night, because it isn't, and they don't. I am trying to take the small steps into being the momma I know God has called me to be, and that is not perfection. It isn't a perfect quiet time every morning in a clean house, a shower and makeup daily, a homemade breakfast every morning, lunch, and supper. It is doing everything I can to serve my babies, both big and little. And, by doing that, I am serving Him. (Proverbs 31:15-20)  He sees it as perfection, because He designed me and loves every fault. 

Christmas in July, Sleepovers, and toddlers.

This week has been a huge week for our family. The biggest thing we accomplished was, Savannah spent her very first night away from Momma. Because Daddy travels for work at times, she is "used" to him being gone sometimes. For me, we have NEVER spent a night apart.

I want to say that I have absolutely nothing against time away from my baby at times. I see the value in it. I understand it is healthy for Zach and I to be a couple, not just mommy and daddy. As parents, it is hard (at times) to find your identity as a spouse when your main priority is caring for a little one. As Christian parents, we both KNOW that our spouse is to come before the children. Not that you neglect your child, of course, but that your marriage comes before anything. All of that being said, a 2 year old does not understand marriage. Or time away. Or the value of her mommy and daddy loving each other. So, inevitably, I find myself feeling like I do not have enough energy for them both. Which is unfair.

So, when we were invited to a "Christmas in July" party for last night, I was excited! I love fellowship with our church family, and I love Christmas. The only "obstacle" was childcare for our girl. The party began at her bedtime, so we knew it wouldn't be a good plan to take her. Plus, we needed time as US. We just did. A friend offered to keep her overnight for us, and I literally felt as if someone had punched me in the gut at the mere thought of someone else getting my girl out of her bed in the morning. I KNOW how ridiculous this is. I KNOW that she would be fine. But, it was how I felt.

Let me say, the friend who kept Savannah is more than capable. She has three beautiful, well mannered, well loved girls. I knew that Rooster would enjoy her time. I knew that her friends and she would have the best sleep over there ever was. I knew that my friend loves my girl like she is her own. She genuinely wanted to keep her for us. Which helped my feelings of being of away.

So, we went. We had a blast. Zach and laughed so hard and really enjoyed our friends. We picked on one another (that is our way) , we had yummy stuff to eat, and we both got time to talk with other people. It was awesome.

I got a text at 8 PM saying baby was sound asleep. And, then a text this morning of her playing dress up. We did it. We spent the night away. I was okay. Savannah was more than okay. And, when I picked her up this morning, I could not get enough of my girl. I smooched her to death and asked her a thousand questions about her night. Most of which she just answered by saying her friends names, which told me she had fun!

As the next couple of weeks unfold, we could use some heavy prayers for wisdom on our choices. <3