Eulogy for my best friend

Most everyone knows my brother passed away in March from the cancer Melanoma. He was hands down my best friend, love of my life (aside from Zachary), and one of the best men I have ever known. Somedays, I grieve him so badly. Others, I can smile and think about how much he gave and taught me in the 22 years I knew him. Today is a mix of both grief and happiness. I want to share our story.

Shane was 8 years older than me, a fact that was very evident when we were younger, but didn't matter as we got older. He was my protector from the very beginning, and the biggest pain in my butt. My daddy told him his job was to be a good big brother and make sure no one ever hurt me. Shane did this in two ways: when I was little, he fought for me. When I got older, he taught me to fight for myself.
When I was about 3-4, these kids knocked me down when I got off the bus. I told Shane about it, and the next day as they were riding by our house on their bikes, he ran outside with his baseball bat. He chased them all the way home, until they went inside.
He used to wrestle me to the ground, starting at around 6 years old, and MAKE me fight my way back up. My very first day of high school, a senior boy touched my butt, and I turned around and bloodied his nose. I got in HUGE trouble at school, but Shane was so proud of my right hook. He wasn't so proud when I used it on him when I was 16.
I was always so proud to be his sister, and he was so proud to be my big brother. We were always there for each other, even when he made me fighting mad. Watching him battle his addiction in his early twenties, and celebrating his recovery after a year clean, was when we got to be our closest. He over came SO much in his short 30 years, even a divorce that some would have never came back from. He had the best smile of any one I have known, and all he had to do was flash it to get his way. He had the biggest heart and NEVER spoke unkindly about anyone. He was a friend anyone would have been blessed to have.
At my high school graduation, even from the football field, I could hear my brother cheering the loudest of anyone. He came to my college my first semester and had lunch on campus and gushed at how proud he was of me. He walked me down the aisle and gave me away to my husband. He attended my baby shower when Zachary was working in FL, and I was still in GA. He sat next to me and helped me open my gifts and shared all the excitement in the world with me becoming a mother. He helped me pack and move TWICE in 2 months, in the middle of summer, while he was battling cancer. He bought and made sure the brakes were changed on my car before I got on the road to FL. I could depend on him for anything

Where I struggle now is, Savannah. He met her at Christmas, and those pictures are ones I will cherish forever. He was such a proud uncle, and Savannah is so blessed to have him as her angel. My anger comes because he deserved to help Zach and I raise her. That was our plan. He was going to be in every aspect of her life. He told me I couldn't keep him away. When Shane was in the hospital right at then end, he couldn't walk, lift his head, or even open his eyes some days. I took her to see him, and he couldn't hold her, but he laid her on his belly and talked to her. He loved all over her and told her how amazing she was and all the things they would do together. He deserved to do all that and more.

Shane was an amazing person. My children will all know him from pictures and stories. His memory will never fade, and I will be eternally grateful to have called him brother.

Encouragement

As a new mom and really, a new wife, I am constantly feeling like I am failing or not "measuring up". Zachary doesn't make me feel this way, it is just a natural thing for me to strive to be better. My momma and Mawmaw tell me DAILY I need to slow down and stop doing so much. The odd thing is, I ENJOY cooking like I do. It gives me a great sense of accomplishment filling both us up on a good homemade meal. I ENJOY having a clean house, I can focus better and relax more. I ENJOY Sundays, even though it is BUSY in the morning. Savannah was up at 6:45, by 9, she had eaten a bottle and breakfast, been dressed and changed, I had coffee and breakfast with Zach, and lunch was already in the crockpot (Baby back ribs!). Busy to say the least!
Zachary decided to stay home and rest this morning, so it was just little bit and I heading to church. She LOVES being in the nursery with her "friends" now. I drop her off with a confidence these days, knowing she is well cared for and has a blast. Sitting in church by myself doesn't bother me, it is my quiet time with God. The closest I feel during the week to him (even though I do my devotional every day) is sitting in the sanctuary. After church, I went to get Savannah and that is where my encouragement came. Ms. Jerry, the lady who mainly cares for Savannah in the nursery, handed her to me saying, " She is SUCH a joy! I can always tell the babies who are loved and well cared for from the babies who need more attention. Savannah is so happy!" Hearing this really blessed my heart. Knowing that my baby can be without Zachary and I, and still light up the room makes me proud and so happy.

In all, the feelings of being unsure of her raisin' and my wifely duties, are normally washed away when I see my family happy and laughing. We are not rich, nor are we "well off", but, we ARE happy.

Family day

Today was amazing! I usually run around doing a few shopping trips alone on the weekends, but Zachary and little bit decided to join me. Going out in public with the two of them is more tiring than just taking Savannah alone... LOL. I am a proud wife though to see how much Zachary helps with Savannah. It is not just when we are out and about, like some fathers do. It is at home, all the time. Every Saturday, I get to sleep in and he gets up and does everything with her until her first nap. :D Happy momma!
We went to Aldi today because I needed THREE things, we left with over 12 items.... Again, going out with BOTH my babies is harder than one. Zachary always finds things he "needs" or that is a "good buy"... As if he would know.  Regardless, we did get things we needed, and things that are already being used.

After such a great time with the two of them, we got ready to head over and enjoy an AWESOME time with our favorite family. I made the Pinterest inspired recipe, Cheesy chicken ranch lasagna! NUMMMY. I truly enjoy time with Shana and Colt, and the big boys are falling into their own routines together. Shana is becoming one of the biggest people I depend on as a friend, and I am so thankful for her! Savannah has a weird obsession with Colton, and he is learning to love her as well!

"We'll be friends forever, won't we Pooh?" asked Piglet.

"Even longer." answered Pooh. 

It's Fridayyyy!

Friday is always the day I do my main shopping for the coming up week. I set a goal at the beginning of the week, look through the ads, and clip my coupons accordingly. My goal was $75 at Publix this week, which is high for us. I knew Publix was having GOOD sales due to Memorial Day. Perfect time to stock up on things we use everyday.
I mainly shop at Publix for everything, throwing in Aldi, Winn Dixie, Walmart, CVS, and Target, if they have good deals. Here lately, I am becoming not a fan of Winn Dixie, and the only reason I buy anything from there is because a $5 off $55 prints at the end, and I can use that at Publix. I am going to go in a little more detail this week about HOW I saved with WHICH coupons.

Here is the haul for this week

Breakdown:

4 Pepsi 12pks. Normally $4.99 a piece, on sale B2G2. So, $9.98 for the 4.

2 Tyson Anytizers,BOGO for $8.49. There were $1 off on the Tyson website, I used 2. So, $6.49 for2

2 packages of Velvetta, BOGO. $4.39 for 2. 

2 packages of baby back ribs. $ 4.89 each. Publix Baby Club sent out a coupon booklet that had $1 off fresh meat. 

2 Sabre hummus, BOGO. $3.99 a piece, there is $1 off in Publix Spring Gathering Coupon Booklet. I used two, so $1.99 for 2. 

1 Kraft Mozzarella cheese, on sale $2.50. this Kraft is the Philadelphia cream cheese one, and is normally $4.00 by itself. 

2 Motts apple juices. BOGO. $3.99 for both, PLUS, I had a coupon from Publix Baby coupon book for a free 8 pk of Motts ($3.99) when you buy 2 Motts juices. 

1 Publix brand lasagna noodle. $1.89.

2 bags of Lays chips, BOGO. $4.29. This is a great sale on chips, BOGO is hard to find on Lays. 

2 Mt. Olive Dill Snacksters, BOGO. $3.21 for 2.

2 Domino 5 llb. bags of sugar. $2.99 each (normally $4.50). Plus, there was a $1 off 2 Dominos sugar in the Publix Spring Gathering Booklet. So, $5.00 for 2. 

4 ears of fresh corn. .25 each, $1.00 for 4. 

1 Crescent , $2.19

2 cream cheeses , $1.89 each. 

2 Hefty aluminum containers, BOGO. $3.59 for one, plus a $1.00 coupon in the Spring Gatherings Booklet form Publix. So, $2.59 for 2. That is a steal! I use these to bake in and take along, or just for an easy cleanup at supper. 

1 Hidden Valley Ranch dressing packet, on sale $1.67.

1 package of Sargento string cheese. $2.50. 

I then used a $5 off $55 coupon from WinnDixie. 

I spent $60.09 and saved $67.56! 

Score! This was a good trip because I saved more than I spent, and I was $15 under budget (which will be added to Vannahs piggy bank!). I am going to Aldi tomorrow to finish buying our meats, because they have chicken and ground beef for dirt cheap this week! 

The key to how I save and get so much, I shop sales. I may not need the item that week, but I stock up while it is cheap, so I do not spend full price when I actually need it. I never buy things we will not use, unless I can get it for free or less than $1.00, and then I donate it to church or the womens shelter. I do not buy a billion of one thing, I buy enough to last us a week or two. 

I hope this kind of helped see where and how I save! Feel free to message or comment if you have any questions!

Melting heart

I write about Savannah A LOT. Any new mom knows it is near impossible not to. Everyday with her is a joy, even on days like today where she refuses to naps and is into EVERYTHING. The UPS man knocked today during one of her crying jags, she was in her bed screaming obscenities at me in her baby language. It is the usual UPS man that comes, and I always answer the door with Savannah in my arms, because as I have stated over and over, if I am not with her, my house will be burned to the ground. 

Anyhow, I answer the door and he asks how little bit is, all the while she is screaming in the back ground. I say "Oh, she's peachy. Napping." He just looks at me and glances into the house and says "That is what you call sleeping??" I felt like punching him. Obviously, she isn't napping. I was trying to make light of the madness that is our house with Savannah around. 

"You can share lunch wif me, momma."

Beauty

I love every minute of this madness. I am the proudest mother you can find, and her energy keeps me going. She was up from 9-1 last night, SCREAMING. When she woke up this morning, she was calling her daddy on the monitor and when I went to get her, she had her head cocked to the side with her huge goober grin on her face. Heart melting. I shared my lunch with her today, and she was so excited and proud of herself that she could eat like momma. She would watch my mouth, and chew in the same rhythm I was, with her 2 and a half teeth. Heart melting. 

Palm Bay, FL

Everyone who knows me knows, Georgia is home. Always has been, and I am praying it will eventually not be, if this is where we decide to stay. All my friends back home tell me quite often how jealous they are I get to live by the beach. Huh. Well, I am going to layout what I love and hate about this place.

I HATE:

1) The drivers here. GA has some pretty bad drivers. But, Floridas population is probably over 65% elderly people. Yeah. PLUS, people from ALL over come here to vacation. So, you have all the bad drivers in once place. Sweet. 

2) Insurance premuims. Our insurance went up $150 a MONTH when we came here. This due to both the above things: old people and bad drivers. 

3) Drifters. You go in to 7-11 to buy a soda, and it takes you 15 minutes because the guy in front of you just wants to chat with the clerk. I am all for idle conversation, I can talk the ear off anyone. But, when I am in a hurry and am carrying a child whose main goal in life is to destroy whatever comes in her sight, please allow me to pay and strap her back in her seat (where things are safe). As you are leaving, that same guy is asking for a ride or a couple dollars. 

4) The beach state of mind. NO one is in a hurry to go anywhere. It is just a kind of "we will figure it out, we will get there sometime, we will think about that later" type of mindset. 

5) Half dressed people. We saw a girl in a sports bra, BIKINI bottoms, and running shoes jogging down the road the other day. THE ROAD. Not their pier, not the beach, THE ROAD.I am not sure I would jog in bikini bottoms in my own home, with the shades pulled, and my family asleep.  A man came to check our water meter and had on swim shorts and a tank top. He worked for the water company. Seriously?

6) The bugs. There is the little bug (looks like a lighting bug, just no light) called a love bug. The university right down the road had a professor who created this bug to try and kill of mosquitos. Well, guess what? Love bugs don't kill anything. They come in SWARMS and land alll over you, your car, your child (who then proceeds to eat them). Pest. 

7) The food. No Folks, no Taco Mac, no Krystals, no Martins, no decent mexican restaurants, and no Stevi B's. They have plenty of mexican places, but I like Monterey's at home. The places down here just don't measure up.

8) Last, but not least, my family isn't here. I cannot describe the ache I feel for my family. I want to go to my Mommas and nap on the front porch like I did back in the day. I want to go to my Aunt Wandas and have a cook out with the whole family. I want my MawMaw to go to church with me. I want my family. 

The things I LOVE:

1) My little family is here. I can dedicate all of my time and efforts into making the two of them happy, with no distractions.  Zachary and Savannah are truly all I need, but, it doesn't stop me from missing everyone else. 

2) I love being so close to the beach. We literally have to drive for 7 minutes and we are there. 3 minutes to the river. 

3) I love the people I have met. I am making some of the best friends here, and Savannah has tons of babies to play with. 

4) I love the people at my Publix. This sounds silly, but they are a blessing. I go in every week and the same guy rings us up, the same one bags my groceries, and the manager always comes over and talks to Savannah. They all call her by name and she is in heaven from all the attention. 

5) I am loving the church we are attending. 

6) I mostly love the weather here. It is too hot for me most of the time, but I love rain every afternoon. It is refreshing and Savannah and I usually nap during the shower. 

7) I love that we have a Target, Walmart, Publix, post office, library, hospital, Savannahs doctor, my doctor, and Zacharys shop (even though he never works there) all within 10 miles of us. Back home, that was near impossible to find. 

I am slowly learning to love this place. There's no comparison between here and GA. They are two VERY different places, but, my home is where Zachary is. 

Savannah the Independent

It's 3 AM, and this is the conversation in our bedroom:

Zach (in a hushed but LOUD whisper): "Courtney?.... Sweetheart... Hey, wake up"

I ignore him, because I know exactly what he wants.

Zach: "Courtney Leigh, I know you can hear me! Take the baby and put her back in her bed. She does not sleep in our bed."

Me: "She doesn't feel well, she has a fever."

Zach: "Give her Motrin and put her back to bed."

Me: "Her belly hurts!"

Zach: "Give her gripe water, and put her back to bed."

Me: "She had a nightmare!"

Zach (Groaning): "Then rock her, AND PUT HER BACK TO BED".

Me: "You're a sadist..."

Zach: "I'm sure."

Savannah wasn't sick. She wasn't hurting. And, she didn't have a nightmare. I just like sleeping with her in our bed. Zachary has never anted her in our bed, so we have never co slept. I sometimes sneak her in when he leaves for work, but that has dwindled as well.  I love snuggling her, and she is at the age where she can snuggle back and will throw her little arm over me. BIG SMILE! But, she doesn't sleep well with us, she is too independent. She likes her crib and gets in the same position every night and passes out. I'm happy she likes her bed and is independent, but I feel like she is growing too fast. 

At the nursery yesterday, there was a little 3 year old boy named Gideon. Savannah thought he was the bees knees because he could run around and throw toys at other children (perhaps she is the sadist...). She would crawl as fast as she could after him and try pulling up on his leg, to which he would say "NO, Nanna, you a baby! You tant pway!".... And she would turn and look at me like "MOOOOM, tell him I am not a baby, I can too play!" How do you explain to a 7 month old why she can't get up and go after the big kids? 

Speaking of nursery, I started working there last night and I had a blast. I was convinced that Savannah wouldn't like me caring for other children. She is a mommas girl and used to get jealous if I held other babies... WELL, Miss Independent couldn't care less who I hold now. Which is also saddening to me. I was rocking a 6 month old and Savannah came over to see what I was doing, took one look at the sweet baby girl, and decided she had better things to do. She was content sitting in the floor, alone, talking to herself, and playing with blocks. Watching her gave me a sense of pride and I literally teared up. What a weenie I am. 

That's what I love about Sundays....

I am thankful for everyday of the week being a family, but Sundays are my favorite day. Here are a few reasons why I love this Sunday....

I got to share a cup of coffee with my sweet man. 

We attended church as a family, and Savannah went to nursery all by herself for the first time ever. The little key is one I carry to church, and the copy is attached to her diaper bag, so they know who she belongs to. :)

I was blessed with another day as his wife. 

I had the time and energy to make this meal, completely from scratch. I am proud of that corn muffin, it's my Maw maws recipe and I was doomed to fail. LOL. 

I get to watch baseball with our girl and Zachary. 

ANNNNNDDDD, we get homemade ice cream tonight at church. THAT is an exciting day. :)

Coupons and Bible Study

Todays post will be about BOTH things mentioned in the title, lol. I have had a ton of people ask me how I save us so much money in coupons, so I am going to do a little breakdown.

This was my "haul" for the week:

4 bottles of Kraft BBQ sauce, 2 bottles of A-1 Steak sauce, 2 things of Lysol wipes, 1 Lysol Spray, 2 bottles of V-8 Splash, 2 boxes of Muellers pasta, a can of mushrooms, 2 bags of Sargento cheese, 2 packs of Zephyrhills water, 2 packs of Trix yogurt, 1 pack of Motts applesauce, Coffeemate creamer, Staceys Pita chips, Sabre Hummus, Birds Eye dinner skillet, pot roast, a box of Aunt Jemimas pancakes and a box of AJ french toast, 2 boxes of Lipton tea, a box of Allegra allergy meds, 2 sticks of Right Guard. 

My total was $119.96. I spent $46.91 total. 

My goal this week was only $35 at Publix, but Zachary reminded me we need allergy meds and cleaning stuff to get rid of all the germs from us being sick. So, the EASIEST way to break this down is, Publix does BOGO every week, and usually on GOOD items. A common misconception is: things on BOGO are marked up in price, this is not the case. The items are regular price, you just get 2 for that price. Savings automatically. I buy two Sunday papers every week and just file the inserts away. No clipping until I see the ads for the week. When I see things BOGO at Publix, I clip two coupons for that item. Publix will allow you to use 2 coupons on BOGO, even though you are technically buying one. AND, if Publix has a coupon for that same item, you can use BOTH the manufacturer and the Publix together.  That is where MOST of my savings comes in. Also, Publix allows competitors coupons. I had $5 off $55 at Winn-Dixie, used that. And I had a $5 off $30 from Publix, used that. All of these Publix coupons can be found at the service desk, just ask for all of their coupon booklets for that week/month. Hope this little tutorial helped! 

Zachary and I attended our very first married couples bible study last night, and I was amazed. My husband does NOT like reading, he does NOT like "talking about gay feelings", and he does NOT like organized get togethers. He's too "go with the flow" for all that. So, when we got in the car and he was EXCITED to discuss the topics we covered and told me how much he enjoyed it, I about died. This study is absolutely amazing for married couples, engaged couples, and even couples who know they intend on getting married one day. It is called "Two Becoming One" by Don and Sally Meredith. 

It is WORK. There is "homework", and there is a lot of talking to be done between Zach and I. I love this, he has to be tied down with all interruptions off to do it. But, having fellowship with other married Christians and hearing that they have dealt with some of the same struggles we have, and hearing about some of the amazing trials they have overcome and are still strong in their marriage...Well, it is amazing and encouraging. I am EXCITED about our next study! 

Hope everyone has a WONDERFUL weekend, and thank you for your continued prayers for Savannahs little ear. She is feeling better, but still on medicine. :(

Time

Warning: This post will contain talk about breastfeeding and like topics. If this is something you'd rather not read about, please do not continue. 


The fact that I have to type such a warning is the reason for my post today. I did not want get into conversations, really, about the Times article that was released last week, asking if "You're mom enough"(whatever the heck that means). It is controversial and there will be tons of different opinions. But, I saw somethings on Facebook yesterday that got my mind turning. In thinking of the post, my mind came back to this article.
My friend just had a beautiful baby girl a little over a week ago, via c-section. She is a first time mom as well, and is making the brave attempt of nursing her sweet girl. In the hospital, she was urged strongly to supplement her daughter with formula due to weight loss. She took her to the doctor yesterday for her week checkin, and found that her girl was gaining on track. She was excited to not have to supplement and be able to fully nurse her child. She posted her excitement on Facebook, and a boy responded something along the lines "Breastfeeding...gross. I just can't think of things like that". While I understand it is a public forum and all can read it, if they do not want to, DON'T. Do not comment on it. Also, in seeing his judgment on her choices, I realized that if she hadn't been breastfeeding, someone would have found a way to judge that.
Which brings me to the point of this post. As mothers, we are judged daily on our choices. If we do not breastfeed (for whatever reason: personal choice, medical reasons, work), we are viewed as lazy or selfish by some. If we do breastfeed, some would call it "gross" or "obsessive" about our babies. Yes, I have been called obsessive in nursing Savannah. If we choose to co-sleep with our children, we are told we are putting them in danger of dieing. If they get put in the crib too soon, we are accused of not bonding. If we allow pacifiers, we are over indulgent and we need to nip it so we do not have 5 year olds with pacis in their mouths. If we don't provide them, some would say we are again being ridiculous. I could go on and on about judgements that are made daily. All of these are opinions and advice I have received from people. So many differing opinions, and most of the time, I had not asked for a advice.
It is heartbreaking to me to think of the first couple of months Savannah was here and the stress I ALLOWED people to place on me. Breastfeeding was NEVER easy for Savannah and I. I have my thoughts as to why, but we struggled through and did it for as long as we could. I had people in my family telling me I needed to stop because of the stress and that it wasn't worth it (no one in my family breastfed past 3 months). Then, I had people in Zachary's family telling me I needed to keep at it, it was my job as her mother (Zach's mom, bless her, nursed all 7 of her children up till a year.) Do you see how frustrating and hurtful all of this could be? With everything I went through with my brother, nursing was no longer an option. I was away for way too long from Savannah and my supply died. Quitting added more stress and heartache to me. I cried so hard the first day we didn't nurse. I felt like a failure. It wasn't a choice I made. It just had to happen because of the trauma she and I had endured during Shane's passing.

Looking back on ALL of this and thinking of everything I have read the Times article infuriates me. I TRIED. I FOUGHT daily to do the best I could for us. And, to read an implication that I am not "enough" because my child receives formula, is ridiculous. I wish mothers were not judged by other moms, family, the world.... I wish we could all start offering some compassion and understanding about what it is like to be a new mom. So, I will end with this...

Are you HUMAN enough? (To extend compassion and no judgement?)

Feeling very "Dorothy"...

There truly is no place like "home". While we LIVE in Florida, Georgia has my heart. It is where I feel truly comfortable and at home. I miss just about everything about home, but mostly I miss my family. Not just my family I was born into, but my friends as well. I have some of the best friends back home, and they are my family. I would love more support, especially on days like today.
Zachary works SO much and commutes so far, that it is Savannah and I the majority of the time. Most days, I relish in that fact. I enjoy having her to myself, and we have our routine. But, Zachary is sick and Savannah is beyond miserable and sick. She is cutting TWO teeth on the top. this combined with a nasty cold and ear infection, you can imagine. I am doctoring both of them, running between getting juice and medicine for Zachary and changing diapers and feeding Savannah. This on top of housework and cooking. I miss my momma and Mawmaw. I need some TLC myself, and a hot shower.
I broke down tonight and just cried watching Savannah struggle to breath through her nose and choke on her medicine, once again. No baby should ever get sick, EVER. It is too much on a mommas heart. I hurt for her, and would take every ounce of yuck for her.

In my devotional today, I focused on encouraging scriptures that would lift some of the feelings I have been experiencing.
Pslam 127:3- Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, a fruit of the womb reward. 


Titus 2:5- An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. ...

Anniversary, sick babies, and Walmart workers.

Today makes exactly two years that I have been married to Zachary. Looking back on where we were when we got married, to where we are now is amazing to me. So much has changed and we have grown as individuals, and as a couple so much in two years. I can HONESTLY say I love him more today than I did 4 years ago when we met. This day is so incredibly bitter sweet to me. I am so thankful for my husband and all of his ways, but I am also reminded of memories of our wedding day that are hard to think of right now.
 Shane gave me away to Zachary. He walked me down the aisle and cried huge tears when he handed Zach my hand. I remember so vividly waiting in my bridal suite for Shane to come get me for the ceremony. I was so nervous and so anxious, and when he got there, I just broke down crying. I was scared. Lol. He said to me, "Hitch up that dress and let's get to moving. You can't be late for your own wedding, dork". It was exactly what I needed to hear to leave the room. As soon as we got to the doors of the hall, I froze again. He starts singing "Meet me at the alter in your white dress...." and beat boxing with his mouth. I giggled, and we did the damn thing, as he would say. I miss him so much, but am so thankful for all the pictures and memories I have.
Our sweet baby is sick for the first time in her whole 7 months of life. It breaks my heart hearing her stuffy nose and seeing her red eyes. We went to the doctor today, and sure enough she has a small ear infection on the right side and a small cold. Her doctor said her ear was only slightly red, most likely due to her cutting her two top teeth and drainage from her cold. So, she is on antibiotics. Which meant a trip to Walmart right after the doctor.
I went in to fill her 'script, use a couple coupons I had that were for really good deals (A free 2 liter, free power bars, and CHEAP hand creme), and buy cake mix to bake our anniversary cake. I had stopped at Chikfila for a milkshake on my way in, and had the cup discreetly placed between the cart and my purse, so Savannah couldn't see it. I hand the man Savannah's insurance card and the 'script, ask how long (A stinkin' hour), and if he needed anything else from me (No, ma'am). I head off to do my other shopping.
Twenty minutes later, I arrive back at the pharmacy and ask the clerk to let me know when her medicine was ready, that I would be waiting in that area. She says she needs her Staywell card before they can fill it.... Could someone not have told me this TWENTY minutes ago? Hand her the card, turn back just in time to see my sweet, beautiful, sickly child dump my entire yummy, sticky, much needed milk shake into the floor. You're right Savannah, mommas thighs DID NOT need that shake, but my sanity did.
I get her medicine and head to check out. As I am waiting in line, I am getting out my debit card and coupons, and I hear Savannah giggle. The milk shakes been dumped already, my purse is with me, WHAT could she possibly be into?? I turn and a sweet, little, old lady is kissing Savannah's cheeks.... I am horrified. I am all for kissing my child. But, she is MINE. I am not a stranger that I do not know where their mouths have been. I look the lady straight in the face and say, "Ma'am, we just left the doctor where she was diagnosed with a common cold and an ear infection. Thank you for admiring her, but you MIGHT want to do it from afar." She pats Savannah's hand and walks away.
As I am checking out and handing the clerk my coupons, she says "These are coupons are going to make a lot of your items free, good for you."..... Hence why I am getting said things, lady. She then proceeds to tell me that the Walmart brand baby rub I just bought for Savannah's chest isn't as good as Vicks.... That's odd, because when comparing ingredients, they are the exact same. And, wouldn't an employee of Walmart endorse their brand?

We are home. I have a headache and a yearning for a milkshake. Savannah is napping peacefully and I am starting my devotion for the day. I have so much to be thankful for and a ton of people to pray about today, mostly all the people who felt my wrath at Walmart.

My first Mother's Day as Savannah's momma

I celebrated my first Mother's Day yesterday, and it was an experience to say the least. In church that morning our pastor asked what it meant to be a mother. It got me to thinkin'....
Being a momma means so much more to me than having a child. It means waking up everyday knowing that you will sacrifice something that day. Whether it be sleep, food, alone time, a shower, a good tooth brushing, and some days, a second to pee without worrying what your child is getting into.  I ADORE Savannah, my heart explodes with so many emotions when I even glance it her. She is a spit fire. Every bit my mothers daughter, and I love her energy. She is into everything and so smart. I feel blessed to be her mommy. Being her momma means you are running all day, you are laughing, crying, and some days screaming into a pillow at the end of the day. I constantly question if I am failing. Does she know how much she is loved? Is she getting enough stimulation? Should she be eating that?! How do I keep her entertained? Will she love church and the Lord as much as I do?
All this being said, in asking myself the pastors question, being a mother means loving a human more than you do yourself. I love Zachary, and I would do anything to make that man smile. But, Savannah is the only person who has peed on me, pooped on me, spit on me, pulled my hair, yelled in my ear, bitten my toe (YEP, my TOE)... And I still smother her with kisses at the end of the day.

Being her momma means laughter and love. What more could this life need?