Time

Warning: This post will contain talk about breastfeeding and like topics. If this is something you'd rather not read about, please do not continue. 


The fact that I have to type such a warning is the reason for my post today. I did not want get into conversations, really, about the Times article that was released last week, asking if "You're mom enough"(whatever the heck that means). It is controversial and there will be tons of different opinions. But, I saw somethings on Facebook yesterday that got my mind turning. In thinking of the post, my mind came back to this article.
My friend just had a beautiful baby girl a little over a week ago, via c-section. She is a first time mom as well, and is making the brave attempt of nursing her sweet girl. In the hospital, she was urged strongly to supplement her daughter with formula due to weight loss. She took her to the doctor yesterday for her week checkin, and found that her girl was gaining on track. She was excited to not have to supplement and be able to fully nurse her child. She posted her excitement on Facebook, and a boy responded something along the lines "Breastfeeding...gross. I just can't think of things like that". While I understand it is a public forum and all can read it, if they do not want to, DON'T. Do not comment on it. Also, in seeing his judgment on her choices, I realized that if she hadn't been breastfeeding, someone would have found a way to judge that.
Which brings me to the point of this post. As mothers, we are judged daily on our choices. If we do not breastfeed (for whatever reason: personal choice, medical reasons, work), we are viewed as lazy or selfish by some. If we do breastfeed, some would call it "gross" or "obsessive" about our babies. Yes, I have been called obsessive in nursing Savannah. If we choose to co-sleep with our children, we are told we are putting them in danger of dieing. If they get put in the crib too soon, we are accused of not bonding. If we allow pacifiers, we are over indulgent and we need to nip it so we do not have 5 year olds with pacis in their mouths. If we don't provide them, some would say we are again being ridiculous. I could go on and on about judgements that are made daily. All of these are opinions and advice I have received from people. So many differing opinions, and most of the time, I had not asked for a advice.
It is heartbreaking to me to think of the first couple of months Savannah was here and the stress I ALLOWED people to place on me. Breastfeeding was NEVER easy for Savannah and I. I have my thoughts as to why, but we struggled through and did it for as long as we could. I had people in my family telling me I needed to stop because of the stress and that it wasn't worth it (no one in my family breastfed past 3 months). Then, I had people in Zachary's family telling me I needed to keep at it, it was my job as her mother (Zach's mom, bless her, nursed all 7 of her children up till a year.) Do you see how frustrating and hurtful all of this could be? With everything I went through with my brother, nursing was no longer an option. I was away for way too long from Savannah and my supply died. Quitting added more stress and heartache to me. I cried so hard the first day we didn't nurse. I felt like a failure. It wasn't a choice I made. It just had to happen because of the trauma she and I had endured during Shane's passing.

Looking back on ALL of this and thinking of everything I have read the Times article infuriates me. I TRIED. I FOUGHT daily to do the best I could for us. And, to read an implication that I am not "enough" because my child receives formula, is ridiculous. I wish mothers were not judged by other moms, family, the world.... I wish we could all start offering some compassion and understanding about what it is like to be a new mom. So, I will end with this...

Are you HUMAN enough? (To extend compassion and no judgement?)